Anthology Publication - Upwelling

My first short story published!

Several months ago I moved to the Mendocino Coast. Two days after I arrived there was a meeting of the Writers of the Mendocino Coast - one of the California Writers Club branches. I went just to check it out - I'm not really into clubs in general but I wanted to see what this new area had to offer. Well, there were a lot of nice people and the presenters for the meeting were from a local writers group that talked about how their group works. I joined up and as part of my membership I received a copy of the club's first book.

The Writers of the Mendocino Coast puts out an annual anthology of short stories chosen from member submissions. The collection has a loose theme, open to any interpretation. The past year's theme was On the Edge, fitting for a region know for it's cliffs and dramatic landscape. At the meeting they mentioned that the deadline for submissions for next year's anthology was a few weeks away. Busy with the move, I hadn't written much of anything in a while and saw it as an opportunity to get the juices flowing again.

Short stories are not my thing. I like them, but have problems writing them. Every idea I have is too large; my attempts end up reading like a chapter out of a novel. Novels are where my mind naturally goes. Short stories are a different beast, and it's something I don't feel I've mastered. But I came up with a great idea that matched this year's theme: Upwelling. I was all excited and when I started writing it flowed easily.

Too easily. The limit was three thousand words and my first draft was over four thousand. And it didn't even include half of what I wanted to put in there. Once again, I came up with a great plot for a novel - maybe a novella - but just too much to fit into the space assigned. I starting whittling to see if I could get it under the limit.

While this was happening I got invited to lunch by the president of the club. He wanted to welcome me to town and the community. We talked about books and writing, of course, and I mentioned I was working on a piece to submit to the anthology. He said he'd be happy to take a look at it. I eagerly accepted - fresh eyes could help me figure out where to cut. I finished off my latest draft and sent it off.

His feedback was helpful but mostly it demonstrated to me that I was still trying to fit too much in there. When I cut some stuff back the story didn't really work. I had an arc and theme that needed multiple scenes and characters to carry it through. When I reduced it down it lacked the richness that had inspired me in the first place. By now the deadline was a week away.

I had something that was okay, something that I could submit. But I wasn't happy with it. At the eleventh hour I decided to change it up. I took one element of the story, one scene that held the heart of it, and rewrote it from scratch to be a complete story unto itself. It worked. I like the result and only wish I had had a little more time to edit it myself before submitting.

Most importantly for me, the process had got me back into writing. At the same time I worked on the story, I dove back into rewrites on my novel. The president of the club also invited me to join his writers group, the one that had presented at the meeting. That has turned out to be a great resource and invaluable in helping me improve my writing.

So involved in my current writing, I had almost forgotten about my short story until I received notification that it had been accepted into the anthology. I also got some feedback from the member who was editing the book. It was nice to be able to fix up a few things, but I didn't change as much as I might have wanted for fear of turning it into a never-ending process.

In the end I am quite happy with my little story and proud to say that my writing has now been published. I got my copy of the anthology the other day and there are a ton of great stories in there, making me proud to be a part of this book and this community. Here's a sample - you'll have to buy the book to read the whole thing :)

Heavy Pull

by Blair B. Burke

Micah’s headlamp shed a beam of light through the darkness as he prepped the boat. He moved quickly with practiced routine, packing the small boat tight. Where the light cut the air it bounced off the water droplets that hung in the heavy mist, encasing the boat in a shimmering glow. He looked up the dock when he heard the bounce of footsteps headed his way.
“I didn’t think you’d make it, Schott,” he called out.
“Have I ever let you down?” Randy Schottover stopped at the dock’s edge and shaded his eyes from Micah’s light. He was wearing yellow bibs that were as bright as a rising sun. They were too large for his skinny frame and with his blue slicker hanging loosely he looked like a kid in his father’s clothes. He carried a small cooler in one hand and large thermos in the other. 
“All the time, buddy,” Micah said with a smile. “But maybe things can change.” ... 

Fandom Flame Wars!

I can't say as I've ever been into a fandom. There are lots of things that I like passionately, but I'm a bit of a loner. I don't normally seek out others who like the same things in order to share it with them. But I respect fandoms. I think it's great that a love for a common thing can bring people together and increase their enjoyment. It's also yet another place for people to argue incessantly.

I've been a fan of science fiction and fantasy all my life (well, at least since The Hobbit started me on reading for pleasure as a kid). Lately it seems like there's been a lot of ruckus in the fandoms of the genres, at conventions, with awards, and, of course, online forums (Here's a few links if you want to run down those rabbit holes: Baen publishing, SFF.net, SFWA). On the one hand, I have nothing invested and no need to get involved. On the other hand, it hurts my logical brain to see poor arguments bandied about to beat down the opponent. So I've come here, where I can say whatever I want (and very few people will notice :).

I've talked before about making arguments in general, so I want to point out something to everyone. It's not the error of the opponents argument that is the problem, it's the validity. Both sides (in fact, there are probably several) have good points that are correct and true, depending on what you take as a starting point. But since everyone is working from a different starting point - because we all have such very different experiences in life - our truths don't match up with the other persons and endless debate - that never wins anyone over - follows.

In my view, it seems things are breaking down into two sides. One side, let's call them the old guard, has been around for a while. It consists of longtime fans and even professionals in the industry. Many have grown up with SF&F and embraced it long before it was as popular as it is now. Many have also done much good work to allow the fandom to exist, from organizing conferences to writing great books to editing popular magazines. They deserve respect for what they've accomplished and rightfully feel that the fandom world should be a place they're welcome and appreciated, because that's why they created it.

The other side, let's call them the new wave, are part of the current upswing in popularity. They come to SF&F from many angles - not just classic books and movies, but from TV shows and Anime and MMO's. They are often younger and have grown up in a world with the internet (which used to be science fiction). They are diverse and different, but they want the same thing: a fandom where they feel welcomed and appreciated.

Two groups, same goal. No problem, right? Wrong. One group wants things to stay the same, since they have what they want (belonging). One group wants change, so they can get what they want (belonging). Change breeds conflict. Since time immemorial there's been the old guard and new wave in every human endeavor, and the transition from one to the other is inevitable. It's how that changeover is handled that determines the amount of conflict. And if often comes down to power. Those who have it want to keep it, those who don't want to take it. Most of the crowd is along for the ride, but someone has to steer the bus. Conflict is just waiting to happen.

It often starts with a complaint from someone in the new wave that the status quo is not OK. It could be taking offense at cover art that depicts women as helpless sexual objects. It could be a suggestion that people of color are not being well represented in awards recognition. It could be many things, but the sentiment is that change is needed because they do not feel welcome.

The old guard reaction is that things are fine the way they are. Thing work for them. They've worked for a long time and they honestly don't see why a change is necessary. Don't fix what ain't broke.

Both are valid positions. If something isn't working for a significant number of people, it should be changed - if your goal is the greater good. But the truth is that you can't please everyone so not every complaint needs a fix. If you start with this understanding - that there's truth on both sides - then you can start to address the real issue.

The real issue is that compromise is always needed. And it's often said that a good compromise leaves everyone unhappy (the more optimistic might say if leaves everyone happy). So how do we come to compromise?

First, people need to stop hitting the other guy with their club of TRUTH AND RIGHTEOUSNESS. If someone does/says something offensive, most likely they do not understand why it is so. An explanation of what makes a thing offensive, an insight into the other person's mindset and experiences, goes a lot further than name calling (yes, sexist, racist, bigot, politically correct - they're all name calling even if they're accurate). If you don't take offense, but take the time to show why it's offensive, you have a chance to change the behavior. Even if you can't convince the person in front of you, you can influence the wider audience that's listening in.

But there is truth to the idea that people can find offense in anything if they look hard enough. If someone is upset, it isn't always necessary to fix the world for them. There are reasonable limits to how much time and effort is expanded to make one person/group happy at the expense of another. Before asking for unfair circumstances to be changed, make sure you are suggesting a better option that is more fair to more people, not merely a shifting of injustice from one group to another. It's far easier to complain about how responsibility is wielded then to actual use that responsibility wisely.

(Some may offend on purpose, or take offense on purpose, but they're not interested in a compromise and there's no point in discussion with them. Ultimately it's the masses that rule the day - the individuals grabbing for power can't really control the outcome unless the people relinquish their power to them.)

A compromise is reached by looking at the goals for each side and finding common ground. For example, the new wave thinks it would be great to have more stories with diverse characters and multiple sexual orientations. The old guard likes stories with male protagonists who save the day and get the girl. As a story teller, both ideas are fine and compatible to me. I don't think anyone is really insisting that their side monopolize every story and idea. As long as the arena is open to everyone, the best stories that the most people want will fight their way through.

The problem is, once the name-calling and finger pointing start, it's all shouts of white noise. It's us vs. them. Their victory is our loss, and vice versa. And it always ends the same way. The old guard passes away. The new wave becomes the establishment. The next generation finds something new to take offense at the the cycle repeats. No one wins.

If you can't win, why play? Well, there in lies the rub. It's the world we live in, be it fandom or the workplace or society as a whole. The real question is how much time is spent fighting the fruitless war vs. building something better. Sometimes you have to knock things down to have room to create. Sometimes you can find open ground if you're willing to go a little further afield. I'd rather be on the creative side of the process instead of beating my head against the existing wall.

On the issues in SF&F fandom, it's clear to me that it needs to be inclusive to survive at it's current size (or better yet, grow more). The world is too large and connected for something to be popular and restrictive. Not to mention that diversity adds so much to the world when given a chance to shine. I want to see what those different minds can create. And, at least in the world of books, there's unlimited space in which to plant a new idea.

That also means that there's still room for the old books. Still room for those who don't want stories with lesbian heroes fighting against heteronormity. It's OK if a book has a scantily clad female on the cover. As long as they don't all have that. As long those in power don't restrict the other options. That's what the fight should be for: to make sure that opportunity is equal and everyone gets a seat at the table, old guard and new wave. You don't need to wipe out the past in order to push on into the future.

So what should be done? Start with a deep breath. Getting worked up is understandable but not productive. Focus less on the opponent and more on the goal. Express what you want and why you want it. Spend your time building something new and amazing and share that with the world. That's what will get more people on your side, more people contributing to your project. Power is derived from the people, so the more people that voice what they want, the more likely those in power will listen to them. Those who isolate themselves will soon run out of space, trapped within their own walls, however thick they may be.

What does all this mean? It means I miss civil discourse. I miss a rational debate where people exchange genuine differences of opinion in an attempt to come to a solution. I don't really expect to change the internet. But I want to be proud of what I add to it. I don't need to win, I just want to be satisfied with my effort. If more of the logical, reasonable folks speak up, our quiet voices can consume the noise. Wouldn't that be nice .

Short Story - End of the Safe World

I'll be posting more on query process as it moves along. But for a little break, I entered a short story in a little contest over at Absolute Write. It was a kid's lit contest with the theme of heat/summer, under 600 words. I've never written anything younger than YA, so it was a fun challenge to do something more Middle Grade. I was definitely going for something a bit Mark Twain-esque.

I didn't win, but that's OK. There were some great stories in the contest. (You have to be a member to see the stories - they're posted under the Share Your Work - Children's Literature section.) But here's my story. Enjoy.

End of the Safe World

Petey stopped at the edge of the grass, the corn stretching out in neat rows like an army ready to march. The sun rained down warmth and he lifted his Cubs hat to wipe sweat from his forehead, ‘cause that’s how explorers do it. Lena watched the tassels swaying in the breeze while Wilson glanced over his shoulder. Petey squinted, trying to see through the long shadows. Out there lay adventure and danger. 

“Well, this is it.” He stood tall, though still dwarfed by the plants. “Cut straight across and we’ll hit the creek. Billy said it was lying under a big oak.”

“Couldn’t we go around?” Wilson swung his foot over the dirt, as if afraid to touch it. “Momma says I’m not supposed to leave the park.”

Lena nodded. “Besides, I bet it ain’t real. Billy just made it up.”

Petey pointed a stick at the girl. “My brother don’t lie.” He turned his make-shift sword on Wilson. “And if you’re afraid of gettin’ caught, you can split right now.” He spat. “This here’s a mission, and we don’t need any chickens.” 

He stepped into a row. “I ain’t afraid of Old Man Andersen’s stupid cornfield. Who’s with me?”

Wilson shuffled his feet. Lena stuck her chin out and marched down the next row without looking back. Petey scrambled to get out front. Wilson followed.

Out of the sun, the air was no cooler. It clung to them like a damp towel. They walked in silence, the thwack of Petey’s stick on the trunks marking their pace. After a while, he started to whistle.

Petey emerged into daylight and held his breath. He didn’t see no creek. He saw a barn, with a giant dog lying in its shade. Lena appeared and froze. 

Wilson stumbled into him and knocked the stick out of his hand. “Hey, why’d you stop?”

“Shut up,” whispered Petey. 

Too late. The dog raised its head. 

“Just keep still,” Petey said. “It won’t do nothing.”

He bent to pick up the stick. As he stood, the beast growled. He pointed. “Good doggy. Stay.”

With a ferocious snarl it charged, slobber flying everywhere. Petey dropped the stick and pushed Wilson into the corn. Lena was already gone.

Green leaves slapped his face as Petey overtook Wilson and dodged wildly through the stalks. The dog’s barking followed behind and Lena shrieked up ahead. Sweat stung his eyes as he burst into a small opening where a raggedy figure towered over Lena. Wilson shot into the open space, tangling with Petey and landing in a heap. 

The dog was almost on top of them when it jerked back with a yelp, its leash tangled around the corn. Petey scrambled to his feet, pulling Wilson with him and grabbing Lena as they passed. “It’s just a scarecrow. Come on!” They plunged back into the shadows.

They ran out of steam before long, hands on knees, sucking in moist air. Unable to speak, they walked in silence when their legs could move. They were breathing normally by the time they emerged from the field and set foot on safe grass. The silence remained ‘til they reached the street.

“I hear Rob Olsen found a squirrel with five legs,” Petey said. “Got it locked in his basement. We could check it out after dinner.”

Wilson nodded and Lena mumbled a yes. Petey threw his shoulders back. He picked up a new stick and sliced the air. “Okay, then. We’ll meet at the flagpole at seven.” He turned and ran home, cutting down enemies the entire way.

Writing a Query Letter - Part 3: General techniques

In the first part on writing a query I summarized what a query is. In Part 2 I laid out how I wrote my query. Now I'd like to lay out some general tips that might help people out as they're struggling to master what seems like should be a simple task. (Don't worry if you find writing queries hard - it is. It's a big challenge to summarize a 90,000 word story into 250 words, while explaining what happens, showing who your character is, and doing it all in a way that's compelling, interesting, and unique).

What I've found to be the hardest parts, and what I've seen most people struggle with, is how to include the voice of the character and how to get the right level of detail. You absolutely need to get people to care about your character as an individual. And it's hard to know what to squeeze in such a small space, without getting lost in minutia or being cliche and meaningless. Here's a few things that helped me out.

Start with the generalities and cliches. Go ahead and keep it vague. Writing it out that way often helps you find your overall story. It's a coming of age story for a boy who feels awkward. It's a detective novel where the mob and corrupt police made life hard on a bitter old cop. Most story ideas are not unique in broad strokes. The truth is, they don't have to be. People like to read those stories and agents like to sell those stories. But after you have the general, try to include your unique twist. The boy feels awkward because he can read minds. The cop is embittered because his brother runs the mob and the victim was his best friend. When I tried to start with the specific of my story, I lost that big picture that connects everything, so going the other direction worked to get me where I wanted to be.

Don't worry about voice at the beginning. I think it's okay for your first draft query to sound like a summary. She did this. Then he appeared. Then this happened. Lifeless descriptions actually help you pick out what is truly key to the plot and essential to make a mini story in the query. If something isn't important, it doesn't belong in there. But once you have the actions listed, then you need to personalize them.

Two techniques that help bring in voice:  first, try to write the description as your character would describe it. If the action is Howard finds out he was adopted, how would he explain that to his best friend? The people I thought were my parents have lied to me my whole life. I'm not their kid. I don't know who I am. Just change it to third person: he had been lied to his whole life and no longer knew who he was.

The other thing that really helped was to list out the character's emotions during the action. Howard might feel: lost, confused, betrayed, hurt, angry, or any other number of things. Try to pin down what you want to express for his character - what is part of his arc. If the story is about an angry young man, go with that. If it's about his search for his birth mother, maybe the betrayal is what leads him away from his adoptive parents. Having a list of emotions helped me see which ones really mattered and I tried to use that in the description: The betrayal of his parents was the last straw. Howard needed to get to the truth if he ever wanted to know who he really was.

Worldbuilding is another tough area to find the right amount of detail. All stories need it, but speculative fiction needs more. How much to include? How to explain it simply? Start with the fact that the agent doesn't know anything about your world, so don't assume they understand what you mean by 'magic' or 'future'. Lots of words have different meanings in different contexts, so you need to spell out that people cast spells and dragons fly in the sky, or humanity has colonized the galaxy and faster than light travel is possible.

But you don't spell these out for their own sake. You only need to include what is necessary for the story you're telling the query (which is going to be a smaller story than your book). Mention magic, and the type of magic, but how it's used or how it affects your character: Rengar would have to steal the blessed sword from the meanest wizard in the land; If Jetto couldn't stop the alien armada before it crossed the outer colonies, the earth itself might fall. Lay out your story first and then work the world around it. Try to give an accurate picture without needing too many details. Spaceships = good; anti-matter engines that bend the fabric of space time and allow spheroid hulls to cross up to nine parsecs instantaneously = bad.

On the other hand, make sure to include something that really sets your world apart. If your vampires sparkle in the daytime, that's new. If your magic is based on peanut shells, that's different. Again, work it in the folds of the story, but make sure you get it in there. In my case, I have aliens who are stronger/more evolved than humans. That's nothing new. But they don't age and they've been on earth for thousands of years, taking on roles that made them famous historical figures. That's a little different. So I was sure to mention that it was the real life Achilles who helps my hero when she needs it. Ideally, you want the reader to think: I haven't seen that before. That could be interesting.

One thing that helped me was making a list, kinda like I did with the emotions. But this was a world-building list. I used bullet points to highlight what things made my world the world that it is: aliens who don't age; lived on earth for thousands of years; were historical figures; stronger than humans; use flying suits and advanced technology. Again, you don't want to list them off in the query, but you can then find ways to work them into the story you've built.

Finally, get feedback. It's so hard to be objective with your own writing, especially when you know your world and character so well. You understand what you mean by magic without any explanation. You think it's so cool that you have a plausible explanation for how werewolves could actually exist. But if you get someone else to read it, preferably someone who hasn't read your book, they'll pick out the things that don't make sense and are too detailed to be interesting.

Writing a query is a necessary thing if you want to get an agent. Don't think of it as a hurdle, think of it as a chance to learn more about your story and how to write in a way that grabs the reader. Sometimes problems in the query will even point out problems in the book. Starting on the query while you're working on the manuscript is a great way to help them both shape up and not to leave you beating your head against the wall when you've finished that great novel but have to wait to send it out while you finish up your query. So learn to enjoy the process and you'll be having fun the whole time. Good luck!

Writing a Query Letter - Part 2

In Part 1, I went over the basics of what a query letter is. Now I'll lay out how I wrote my query. In Part 3 I'll give out more general advice that might be handy for anyone with any type of query. I'm not saying that this is the only way to write a query. Everyone will find different things that work for them. But it's good to try different approaches, so give this a whirl and see if it works for you, too.

The start:

The first sentence is key. It needs to grab the agent's interest. It also needs to set the place for your story and introduce the main character. Ideally it delivers the hook - the thing that makes your story unique. But it doesn't have to say everything. A number of people suggest summarizing your whole book into a single sentence and building out from there. That didn't work for me, but your mileage may vary.

You can try to get fancy here, but sometimes simple is best. Pick out what you want the reader to know about your character up front. Not everything about them, but how would you describe them in as short a sentence as possible. She's nice. She's smart. He's a jock with a brain. She's the victim of abuse. Get that idea and then just hold it.

Next, think of where your story is. If it's in the normal, contemporary world, that's great. That's where readers assume they are. But what if you're in space? Or a fantasy world? Or 1820? You need to get that in there because it shapes the perception of everything else. A daring rebel means completely different things in different ages; a soldier in the middle ages bares little resemblance to a soldier fighting aliens in spaceships. Keep this very broad, but maybe pick out one over-riding detail to go with it. Is the future peaceful or chaotic? Is this fantasy world one of magic and limited technology? Is this 1820's America or 1820's England?

Finally, decide what's happening at the start. It doesn't have to be the very start of your book, though it often is. But it has to be something that will drive the rest of the story. Try to think of the inciting incident and include that. Some stories take more time to build, and that can be okay, but there has to be something there that moves forward, even if it's just character development. This doesn't all have to fit in the very first sentence, but it should be what the first paragraph is about.

To put it all together, try to write it from the perspective of the character. Write it in a way that gets the reader into their head, hopefully drawing that connection so they care about this person and what's about to happen to them. Here's what I came up with:

Sixteen-year-old Emily Brayden is finally on an actual date with Holden James when grim-faced government agents show up to arrest her. 

Mine is a contemporary world, a date is a normal thing teenagers do. 'Finally' and 'actual' are there to indicate a history between the characters and that Emily is excited. I mention Holden because he's the secondary main character, but the story is told from Emily's POV. Government agents arresting a normal kid on a date is a strange thing and it leads to everything else that happens in the story. The second sentence gets us more into Emily's head and describes the action to let us know more about the world (it's not quite normal).

Fear and confusion turn to mind-completely-blown when Holden fights off the agents with superhuman strength, scoops her up, and jumps off a second story balcony to escape.

What I want to accomplish is for the reader to understand that Emily is (or thinks she is) an ordinary girl in an ordinary world. But it's not true. The action in the book starts when it's revealed that there are extraordinary people (the agents, Holden) and Emily is caught up with them. It sets off a chase, and the book continues on that theme all the way to its conclusion.

The middle:

Once you have their attention and you've got the character and story started, you need to lay out where it goes. This is where you need to build your world and lay out what the conflict is. Since my story is science fiction, I needed spell out what the speculative element is. That could be started in the first paragraph, but here is where you flesh it out. Even if it's just a character study in the modern world, you want to give an idea of the setting and what actually takes place. Does the character sit and think in their garden? Does the character get involved with neighbors? Are those neighbors vampires? What is this world you're bringing the reader to? Here's my world:

He claims they’re all aliens—him, the agents, even Emily. A race of ageless beings living on Earth since ancient Greece. The agents represent a faction that has manipulated humans for millennia and Emily is the first half-breed, the key to save their dying race. Delusional fantasies much? But when the agents kidnap her mom and blow up Holden’s house, he’s all she’s got.

You also want to lay out what the action is. What does your character actually do. You need to be specific in how you describe it. She doesn't 'solve the crime' or 'look for clues'. She tracks down the culprit by interviewing witnesses and studying crime scene photos. He doesn't have a 'life-changing event' but he nearly dies when in a car accident that paralyzes him. You want to avoid cliches and generalities. You need to make your story unique. What I've found that actually works well is to start with the vague cliche. Write down the generality and then figure out how to express that concept using the specific actions or thoughts of your character.

For me, Emily struggles to understand her new world while she flees pursuit by scary men. Very cliche. I turned that into her actions and the thoughts in her head:

Full of doubt and adrenaline, Emily desperately follows Holden as he leads their getaway. It’s kinda hard to deny the growing strength that lets her jump from speeding trains and sprint for days. After a fall from the Golden Gate Bridge, Emily discovers a mental toughness to match the physical and saves an unconscious Holden. It’s all true. She is extraordinary, she needs Holden. And she wants her mom back, dammit.

The conclusion:

You want to wrap the story up with a cliffhanger. But you need to spell it out enough so that the agent can envision what the final outcome is. Think of the climax for your book. How would you tease it. Again, you can start with the cliche: does he get the girl? Does she defeat the bad guys? But then you need to get specific. And you need to spell out the stakes - this is often presented as a choice for the main character and the consequences of each choice: Bob must decide if he'll give up his dream of becoming a doctor to stay with Annie and raise their child. Or it can be presented as a final challenge that the character must pass, or else: Suzie must use her new magic to close the portal before the demons come through and send the world to darkness forever.

You want to leave the reader (agent) with the thought: I wonder if they succeed? Or, better yet, I NEED to know how this turns out! Many a story is defined by it's ending, and while success comes in many flavors, you want to make sure the reader sees what success could mean. Not becoming a doctor is okay if you find happiness with your family. Closing the portal might drain all the magic from you, leaving you ordinary once more. That's the other thing the ending does - it lays out what the final character arc is. It doesn't need to spell out exactly who the character becomes at the end, but make it clear that they will have changed and the ending will make them a new person.

For me, Emily starts as a normal girl who's full of fear and confusion when she's thrust into this new world. In the end, she not only accepts the new world, but must do something heroic with her new powers in order to achieve her goal:

Knowing they need help, they track down a group of ancient aliens who’ve fought the agents for eons. The real life Achilles directs the raid to liberate her mom using alien flying suits. Surreal. But Emily’s all in. To free her mom, she’ll walk—fly—into the government facility that’s headquarters for those who want to lock her up like a lab rat. Or worse, dissect her like one.

Everything:

When you put it all together, it should be a nice little story that's complete of itself. It introduces a character, shares their world, lays out the problem, and suggests what the final solution entails. Most importantly, it sells the story and makes the reader want more.

Sixteen-year-old Emily Brayden is finally on an actual date with Holden James when grim-faced government agents show up to arrest her. Fear and confusion turn to mind-completely-blown when Holden fights off the agents with superhuman strength, scoops her up, and jumps off a second story balcony to escape. He claims they’re all aliens—him, the agents, even Emily. A race of ageless beings living on Earth since ancient Greece. The agents represent a faction that has manipulated humans for millennia and Emily is the first half-breed, the key to save their dying race. Delusional fantasies much? But when the agents kidnap her mom and blow up Holden’s house, he’s all she’s got. 

Full of doubt and adrenaline, Emily desperately follows Holden as he leads their getaway. It’s kinda hard to deny the growing strength that lets her jump from speeding trains and sprint for days. After a fall from the Golden Gate Bridge, Emily discovers a mental toughness to match the physical and saves an unconscious Holden. It’s all true. She is extraordinary, she needs Holden. And she wants her mom back, dammit.

Knowing they need help, they track down a group of ancient aliens who’ve fought the agents for eons. The real life Achilles directs the raid to liberate her mom using alien flying suits. Surreal. But Emily’s all in. To free her mom, she’ll walk—fly—into the government facility that’s headquarters for those who want to lock her up like a lab rat. Or worse, dissect her like one.

That's how I did it. I'm happy with the result, but the agents will be the final judges. I'll be sending this out shortly and will update this post when I start getting results. I hope this helps others out there with what can be a very frustrating process. Good luck!